Wednesday, January 6, 2010

NINE


The big number in this musical is "Be Italian."  Between this movie and MTV's the Jersey Shore, I don't think being Italian is something I'm interested in anymore.  Admittedly, I didn't know much about the musical Nine before seeing the movie, other than what I had learned from my parents who saw it on Broadway with Raul Julia.  I went in with an open mind, and yet still left the theater with a bitter taste in my mouth.

I have a rule of thumb with movies with big blockbuster casts, they usually suck.  Nine was not an exception to the rule.  Between the lot of them they have a whopping 17 Oscar nominations!  You'd think one of them would put up a worthy performance in this one, but other than Marion Cotillard, we got nothing.  The most unfortunate part is this movie highlighted the fact that none of them are real singers - you may be able to get away with that in a flashy movie like Moulin Rouge or Chicago, but with a more subdued or musically difficult piece like Nine, you're left wide open to showcase your flaws.  Poor Judi Dench, who I typically love, barely made it through her piece - screeching her way across the finish line.  Penelope Cruz is only up for a Golden Globe award because she tries to kill herself - award voters seem to love that sort of thing.  Believe me people, individually I love this cast, but together they did NOTHING for me.


Not to say anything about their accents - which I found more distracting than anything else.  In one scene we're Italian, in the next we're French, American or English.  Please, pick an accent, ANY accent, and stick to it.  Even Cotillard couldn't decide what nationality she wanted to portray.  I find that really inexcusable from such a strong acting cast.  Even Daniel Day Lewis was lackluster.  Don't get me wrong, he's got the brooding thing down, but he's not bringing much more to the role and certainly not his singing.  I leave Fergie out of most of this criticism because she didn't have a speaking role but did have the only semi-exciting number in the movie, despite looking like an absolute cow.  She must've had a fight with the make-up and wardrobe departments cause they didn't help a girl out for sure.  I'd rip into Sophia Loren, but Ebert says she's an icon and I have to keep my mouth shut.  So all I'll say is this - if you attend award ceremonies this season, easy up on the Botox, please.  I think the only person I was impressed with overall was Kate Hudson, for two reasons.  1.  I had zero expectations for her and 2. She was perfectly cast as a bubbly, blond vamp.


I was pretty disappointed by the movie's zero creative direction provided by Rob Marshall.  It was like watching Chicago light - nearly identical styles!  Instead of cutting from plot to staged vaudeville musical number, this time we went from plot to musical number on a movie sound stage.  If this is the formula Marshall's going to apply to any musical movie he directs, I'd prefer he stay away from directing another one.  I loved Chicago when I saw it the first time, I don't need another, thank you. 


Maybe it's just me, but the overall energy of the movie just lacked.  It didn't generate any excitement, or interest, whatsoever, and just seemed to ho hum it on to the finale.  With Nine, it gives me great pride in bestowing my first low rating of WAIT FOR VHS!

 Watch the trailer, it's better than the movie!

No comments: